3/05/2006

Elegant Elloit Offen's MySpace Bulletin Rants


I have the one and only Elegant Elloit Offen as a friend on myspace. It is totally worthwhile as every once in a while he unleashes a torrent of angry bulletins typed all in caps using the didactic and verbose vernacular like only he can. Listed below are some of his latest rants after his last apperance on the Howard Stern Show.

--- I PUT STERN IN A COFFIN. HE IS DECOMPOSING AS WE SPEAK.
--- I JUST STIGMATIZED STERN. HE IS IN MY SARCOPHAGUS.
--- STERN IS FUCKING DEAD! I JUST RAPED HIM LIVE ON THE AIR. HE IS A RUSTY NAIL HAS BEEN.
--- STERN IS A FUCKING FAILURE WHO IS GOING TO BE PENNYLESS! SCUM OF THE EARTH HOWARD STERN, WHO IS WITHOUT ANY LISTENERS.
--- I LEFT STERN FOR DEAD! HE IS 100% IRRELEVENT! HE IS NOTHING!
--- HE IS A CONSTIPATED CODGER WITH ZERO AUDIENCE! HE IS A FRAUD!
--- I JUST LISTENED TO ME SODOMIZE STERN ON THE AIR THIS MORNING! CHECK OUT MY DVD "VIOLET DEHUMANIZES ELEGANT ELLOIT OFFEN"
--- HOWARD STERN IS A VESTIGAL APPENDAGE ON THE ASS OF NEW YORK. HE IS FUCKING NOTHING. I HAD HIM LINED UP READY TO LEAVE HIM FOR DEAD! I WAS MERCIFUL AND LET THE ANCIENT ASSHOLE LIVE- PROVING TO THE WORLD THAT I AM FULL OF COMPASSION, EVEN COMPASSION TOWARDS A TWO BIT RUSTY NAIL! HOWARD STERN SHOULD HAVE BEEN REMOVED FROM THE EARTH YEARS AGO! I WISH I DID STERN A FAVOR AND TOOK THAT SANGUINARY SCUM OUT BEFORE HIS ADVANCED STATE OF SENILITY, HE WENT ON TO COMMIT GRAND LARCENY.
--- TO ALL THE FAIR WEATHER FRIENDS OF ELEGANT ELLIOT OFFEN, I SAY FUCK YOU ALL!!!

- Please note the caps are Elloit's and not mine. The above views do not represent those of 4rilla, but are solely those of Elegant Elloit Offen!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

that guy is a fuckin psychopath

Anonymous said...

Link to his myspace page please? I searched my space and cannot find it.