4/07/2006

Elegant Elliot Offen's new Myspace Bulletins

Because you the people demand them:

#1
STERN I WISH TO BE THE GUEST OF HONOR AT YOUR NEXT ROAST!!!
MY VERBOSE LINGUISTIC GEMS WILL GALVANIZE AND STIGMATIZE THE ROASTEES WITH SUCH A PROFOUND DELUGE OF PRECISE VERBAL DEGRADATION, HURLED WITH PINPOINT ACCURACY THAT WILL RESULT IN THE LOSS OF THEIR DIGNITY TO THE POINT THAT THE ONLY SATISFACTION IN THEIR LIVES FROM THAT POINT FORWARD WILL COME IN THE FORM OF ACCEPTING MASOCHISTIC TORTURE-LOOKING FOR A MARQUIS DE SADE TO CALL THEIR OWN-TO ADMINISTER SADISM FIRST ON DAILY BASIS-THEN ON AN HOURLY BASIS TO A POINT THAT THEY WILL NEVER LIVE A DAY OF TRANQUILITY AGAIN IN THEIR MEANINGLESS LIVES-NOR SHALL THEY EVER EMERGE FROM THEIR DUNGEON TO SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY!!!

#2
I HEARD SOME OF YOU SAY THAT SHULI ONE OF STERN'S FLUNKIES
DOING AN IMPRESSION OF ME WOULD BE A BETTER ROASTEE OR ROASTER IF YOU WILL THAN ME!!! LET ME SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT ON SHULI-SHULI IS THE RESULT OF LONG TERM INTERGENERATIONAL INBREEDING-HE ALSO HAPPENED TO BE BORN CARRYING AN EXTRA 21ST CHROMOSOME RESULTING IN THE GENETIC DISORDER OF DOWN'S SYNDROME!!!-TO TOP IT ALL OFF SHULI HAS THE LOOKS OF A MAN WHO IS SUFFERING FROM ENDOCRINE AND ISLET CELL TUMORS RESULTING IN CANCER OF THE PANCREAS!!! HIS RECEDING HAIRLINE AND GHASTLY AND GUANT FIGURE ALONG WITH HIS PALE AND JAUNDICED SKIN LEAD ME TO BELIEVE THAT HE IS UNDERGOING BOTH CHEMOTHERAPY AND RADIATION TREATMENT!!!

4rilla out!

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